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i fear that all my cries fell upon deaf ears [entries|friends|calendar]

i tried to » give you up... » but i'm addicted.
wash the blood off your hands. this time she won't understand.....
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i know you dont believe you mean this much to me.... [ : 03.26.05 : ]
heya!! only 2 ppl commented back. go figure haha
but it's between these names...


i love those. hmmm.
maybe one can be a new sn.
haha <33
6 with broken hearts.

help? [ : 03.24.05 : ]
[ mood | calm ]

so do you kids wanna help me pick out a new
lj name? that's if i even get a new one.
im debating.
pick your fav. 3 usernames...




that's all. please pick and help me out.
i have a couple favs. but i'd like
to see what people to think. haha

<3 jenn

5 with broken hearts.

[ : 03.21.05 : ]
i'm so back.
and still sad ol' me. ha
but all of you forgot about this
stupid ace journal anyway.
i might make a new one.
a new journal start.

<3 jenn
5 with broken hearts.

lets be friends.... [ : 12.31.04 : ]
hiiiiiiii! sorry everyone! i have not been on
because my puter is broke! blah. so im over
pinkys using hers. :) thanks grrrl.
sooo i cant update really but i just wanted
to say hiii to everyone!
and i miss you debbie haha <333333333
broken hearts.

[ : 12.16.04 : ]
[ mood | confused ]

Let me vent.

For as long as i could remember, i wanted to be
loved. not just by friends, but by someone.
when i was younger, there were always boys.
boys and me. blah blah. i was a kid.
i grew up now and now no boys want anything to
do with me. and why? i dont want to say the
reasons why i think. it's depressing.
but i think to myself..
there has to be a guy out there that will like
a girl like me. someone i can grow with.
someone i can just talk to. someone that will
share their opinions with me. someone that
will laugh and have fun with me and my friends.
just someone. someone. someone. someone.
ha. i am young. i know i know.
but that is not the point anymore.
i would just love to have someone right now
and for as long as we could last together.
we don't have to be together forever.
forever is until the end of time therefore
nothing in my lifetime can last forever.
but it would be nice to have someone that
will last with you until the end of my own time.
it would be nice to have someone that you
dont have to spend every waking moment with..
but when you do spend time together it is
so unbelievable. and i don't like silence..
but being in silence with this someone it
would be all okay. and just someone i can
stare at the stars with on november nights.
[one of my dreams] but that's it.
it's a dream of mine. i am a dreamer.
a problem of mine sometimes. i tend to daydream.
a lot. about things that will never happen.
but these dreams make me happy. make me smile.
but that is what dreams do sometimes.
i am both happy and sad. i am happy to have
the wonderful people in my life that i do.
but i am sad about several things. but life is
so short. so why not just be happy? well it's
not that easy. but i am more happier now than i
used to be. i'll give myself that. but there
are some parts missing in my life. and their
are is a void in my heart. it hurts.
and guys can hurt me without knowing. it sucks.
i want to tell them. but somethine holds me back.
and i actually have feelings for someone again
besides you know who. and it's hard. i don't know
what to do. i am scared. confused.
and what if i was to find someone? and didnt
tell them how i felt and they actually felt that
way about me, but didn't tell me. [yeah right i
know] but there is always that what if. but
if i ever did find someone...i think i'd be to
scared. i havent had a serious boyfriend.
i never been in a true meaningful relationship.
so i would be scared shitless. does anyone get
what i am saying? anyone? hello..is this thing on?
that is all for now. if you read this thank you.
i am leaving with some lyrics...

"Ashaka Rock"

As we crawl up the stairs
Grabbing everything falling down
We rip the shades to see the light
Finding hope in broken life

Just as we see some sky
I turn my head and then I close my eyes
I know that this won't end
It's just finding out the right way to begin

We're finding hope in life
You're my dream tonight
With you I'm falling in love
For the very first time

Crawling up these stairs
Grabbing everything that's falling down
We rip the shades down
To see the sky and all its light

We're finding hope in life
You're my dreams tonight
With you I'm falling in love
For the very first time

[(Find my way back, find my way back) in the background]
Open up my arms
When you fall in, we're looking up at stars
We're singing a song
We're talking and we're singing our way home

</3 <3 </3 <3333333

2 with broken hearts.

there's a letter here waiting to go in the mail... [ : 12.16.04 : ]
there really is. i write letters.
i write poems. i write entries.
i just write.
and it just sits here.
but it makes me feel better.
i just..
wish i was brave.
i just want to tell so many people
so many different things.
i want to send out what i wrote
to you people that i wrote them too
or about.
but i don't think i can.
but what if one day i did?
would some of you hate me?
i think so.
not because i write bad about you..
but because you'd know what im
really thinking?
one day i just want to go around and
tell everyone what im thinking
or what i have been thinking.
i just wanna be like...
but something is holding me back.
a broken heart? maybe.
or just too strong of feelings...?
i want to tell someone...
but nope...
these things just repeat in my head..
i like you..you break my heart...
i like you...geezus.
why cant this just be EASY.
oh yeah because it's life.

Pinkster is my best friend and im so
grateful i have her in my life.
i looove you! and debbie you are one of
my closest friends..why do you have to
live so far away?

and im hoping that i will make this
new friend. like a real friend.
we'll see. only time will tell.

sorry just wanted to get some stupid
crapp out. <33333333333
broken hearts.

the stranger with the door key explains that i'm just visiting... [ : 12.15.04 : ]
sooo today i am at work and i get a jones.
as i open my orange and cream jones..
my cap says...

stop searching. happiness is right next to you.

i look next to me and i see a strawberry
candy cane. thanks jones <3

haha im kidding. i mean it ment more than that.
it really hit me like a speeding train
and made me think. <3

napoleon dynamite with
zachary and pinky TONIGHT <333333
2 with broken hearts.

so prove they love eachother a long time ago... [ : 12.15.04 : ]
the kinks <3

now come on kids..
read my last post and come on..
haha when its a snowy day..

haha i am lame. love it.
broken hearts.

don't go breaking my heart.. [ : 12.14.04 : ]
hehe i love the oldies..
so who wants to...

Go see the polar express on a snowy day.
then make snow angels under the stars?
and finish the night with a dance. haha

come on kids. <3
2 with broken hearts.

silly boy.... [ : 12.13.04 : ]
a crush?
2 with broken hearts.

so... [ : 12.13.04 : ]


broken hearts.

are you gonan love me forever? oh oh oh.. [ : 12.13.04 : ]
haha paula abdoul or however you spell her
name was playing at walmart tonight.
i used to LOVE that song haha.

so tonight actually worked out!! :o)
pinky came and got me, we went to get
some gas then headed to steak and shake.
we waited for ryan and zachary.
well ryan didnt come. go figure.
so steak and shake was funnn.
zachary cracks me up. we tried to explain
to him why people dont like us.
haha its hard to explain tho.
dan came in to steak and shake.
haha that was funny.
i didnt drink any of my freeze really!
and i forgot it there.haha o wells.

after that we went to walmart.
good times <3

so tonight was overall awesome!
it just took it awhile to get good.

<3 i have to wake up in 5 hours.
i will get about 2 of those hours
of sleep.
2 with broken hearts.

you are the rain that rolls down from my eyes on my sunny days. [ : 12.12.04 : ]
hiii! so lets seeee...
today i just stayed in my room and
listened to music, watched life as we know it
and the oh see. whoo. umm i watched a bit
of queer as folk <3 and later on in the
day my mom finally gave in and played 90's
trivia pursuit. whoo haha
i totally need to get a couple ppl to play
with me haha im a sucker for board games.
does anyone wanna play? ha doubt it.

so tonight pinky + zachary and i might
go to steak and shake if everything works
out. so we'll see.

i am so tired. yet not. its weird.
my neck still hurts. but tis all good.
i work tomorrow at 10 in the am.
which is weird cus barb is gonna be therre
also so that means im not in cosmetics blaah.
o wells tho. hopefully i'll be on the floor
then. atleast i hope so!

umm there really isnt much to update on.
i just felt like telling you guys stuff
that you dont care about :o) <3
2 with broken hearts.

my neck...my back [ : 12.11.04 : ]
[ mood | disappointed ]

haha wow i hate that song.
anyway...my neck hurts soo bad. gr.
and im so tired. im so bored.
im all sad. and its just so blah today.
there was a HUGE spider in here. ew.
i was gonna hang with pinky + ryan and
i thought maybe zachary. well i dont
know if anything is gonna go on tonight.
i'll probably be stuck home again.
o wells life will go on. it just sucks
cusi dont go out too often anyway
and im actually off tomorrow so i wanted
to go out tonight and just sleep tomorrow.
o wells i think i should just sleep
and tomorrow cleeeean. i need to REAL bad.
no joke. im disgusted with myself haha.

ooh yeah and me and my mom NEVER played
90's trivia pursuit. so sad :o( i was
really excited. haha o wells. i did get
to pick out some christmas stuff for me
today after work, and me and my mom went
to biggs. and WE DIDNT FIGHT. <3

well i just found out now ryan is too tired
to do something. so i guess i AM staying home.
go figure.


broken hearts.

hey ho lets go! [ : 12.10.04 : ]
so so so so...
how about someone find me the..
i can make a mess like nobody's business cd..
and give it to me..and i'll pay them back.
cus i have no luck with finding it.

so eh..anyone up for doing that for me?
haha <3
3 with broken hearts.

you will squeeze the life out of me. [ : 12.10.04 : ]
[ mood | confused ]

thanks to pinky for helping me with
my james dean pic for my bkgrd :o)
and i got the layout code from layout crave.

im digging it.
there is a lot i wanna do to my journal.
but im tired of messing with it.

so i really wanna go see muse sometime.
hm. one day? ha doubt it.
they are the ones that sing these great
lyrics i used with my layout.

that is all for now. <3

broken hearts.

i wanna break this spell..that you've created. [ : 12.10.04 : ]
hahaha when it comes to boys im extra lame.
but im so happy pinky knows the things
that have crossed my mind hahaha.
i've always ment to tell her but he was
always around when i wanted to tell her.
then i kept it inside cus i wanted to see
that kid from the ug again to see if anything
was even REALLY TRUELY there.
cus that is just a little crush thing haha
not really like liking him. pinky gets
what im saying right? haha and hopefully
debbie does too haha.

anyway. work herre i come. <3
2 with broken hearts.

i will be singing... [ : 12.09.04 : ]
umm...im totally confused.
gr on boys. right grrrrls? haha
and debbie kind of informed me on
something that has crossed my mind
but i didnt want to admit it..
i have to tell pinky still. haha

4 with broken hearts.

........... [ : 12.09.04 : ]
im scared right now.
travis and mom are fighting.
really bad.
2 with broken hearts.

do i have something to prove? [ : 12.09.04 : ]
i am sooooo much better today :o)


i need a new sn.
even tho i love mine.
broken hearts.

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